The Gay Agenda™

Back in sophomore year of high school, Shaelin, Sophia, Emma and myself had been having an emotional heart-to-heart. The first of almost no more because we are proud deniers of mental instability and prefer to ignore our problems; Like all good Americans. Being true angsty teenagers, we all voiced ridiculous insecurities, stories of our fucked up families and so on and so forth. (I’m willing to bet money almost anyone reading this has done the same, so do not shame me.) Tears were shed, mostly by Sophia and none by Emma. However, things lightened up a bit when I decided to shoot my shot and come out.

Now, I look to this as my only real coming out because prior to this night I had never shown any interest in sexuality at all and had just remained incredibly ambiguous about myself. Partly because I was not interested in any living creature that stalked the halls of BHS and partly because I didn’t understand that I had come to a realization about myself that not every one else would. However, I felt it necessary to voice it for the first time to the people who were closest to me but didn’t have to love me. Because family is family and they’ve made jokes about my sexuality since I was child; And before you ask, yes it did scar me for years to come, but admittedly did provide a good laugh every now and then.

So, with my voice wavering and tears streaming down my face I told them I was gay. Sophia oddly enough cried harder than me and reassured me that it had no affect on our friendship while Shaelin took a the more traditional route asking me not to be gay for her. (Let’s get real, the bitch was flattering herself. I am so far out of her league.∗) And Emma looked at me and laughed saying, “Yeah, I knew.” Which is fair because she grew up with me and was my friend when I was peak tom-boy lesbian, who didn’t learn how to put her  hair in a ponytail until third grade, in elementary school. And that was that.

I’ve never “come out” to anyone besides them, because I am who I am and I don’t need to make an announcement of it every time I meet someone new. Unless of course I, by some chance, become a dame; In which case I will make an announcement of who I am anytime I enter a new room.

Recently, a few pals of mine have been talking to me about being gay, which is why I am penning this post. For some reason, people look to me as some sort of elder, wiser gay. Which is incredibly flattering but also unhealthy because I am already incredibly narcissistic and them looking to me as if I can share some wisdom isn’t helping. But, it continues to amuse me regardless. Now I’m not laughing that people are questioning their sexuality or their identity; I am a firm believer everyone should go through at least 3 identity crises a year. But it’s funny that people feel like I’m the gal they should talk to about it. I mean, I get it. I think; I’m gay and therefore I should have the answer to all heterosexual’s burning desires and questions about my personal life that can help them in theirs. Right? However, funny enough, I almost always have nothing of value to say when someone asks me how I knew I was gay/how would they know if they were gay. Because, really, what the hell do I know? I change my hair so often that I don’t even know myself sometimes. I mean I do think the gay community is far superior in many (if not all) aspects of life, but I for one am no psychologist. Especially in a frat house at 1 am. All I can ever offer is words of encouragement and solace, but, I do not have any answers.

So, I guess, my point is, whoever is reading this is probably gay. No, I’m kidding!! Well you could be, but you also could be straight and, truthfully, I don’t care either way. Sexuality is far more fluid than any of you squares would care to admit, so take that how you will. If you need an elder gay to lend an ear and spit some bullshit out for advice, I’m your gal. Besides, if I didn’t help more and more people come to terms with their sexuality than I’d be doing an injustice to the Gay Agenda. And the deadline is fast approaching.

Till next time, whenever that may be.



∗I’m kidding Shaelin, you’re a total babe!!! I’d for sure bang!


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